Crazy
by Factory Knot
Summary: After the restructuring of the White Collar department all field agents, including Neal are ordered to attend compulsory sessions with the FBI's in-house therapist, causing Peter and Neal to reassess how they work. Whoops, I accidentally deleted chapter 4 and lost it and so had to rewrite. Hope the mix up hasn't been too disruptive to anyone reading.
1. Chapter 1

**Crazy**

_I own nothing (as far as you can own nothing) all characters belong to Jeff Eastin and USA Network._

Monday morning and Peter and Neal enter the office together. It's obvious something is going on as everyone is sat quietly at their desks heads down no one is rushing around like normal. Diana and Jones are whispering quietly to each other. Neal drops his hat onto his desk as he passes and walks over to them with Peter.

"What's going on?" Peter asks the two agents.

"It's like someone died or something" Neal jokes

Diana and Jones share a serious look.

"No one died did they?" Neal asks plaintively as Peter reads a memo Diana hands to him.

"The whole office has been ordered to attend 2 extra sessions with Zimmerman as part of 'getting our house in order'." Peter explains reading the memo.

"Mandatory." Diana adds

"Who's Zimmerman" Neal asks

"Dr Zimmerman the FBI's in house psychiatrist." Peter explains

"I'm sure it won't be that bad, an hour on the couch relaxing and talking about your feelings to a trained professional. What's the problem?" Neal teases. He knows Peter is not keen on psychiatrists thanks to a father-in-law in the profession and none of Peter, Diana and Jones are exactly big on sharing their feelings. It usually takes several beers to get any of them even to relax.

"The problem is that if Zimmerman decides you're under too much stress he bans you from fieldwork" Diana explains

"Do you remember Agent Carlson?" Jones asks the others

"What happened to Carslon?" Neal is curious

"He told Zimmerman how he suspect on his current case reminded him of his girlfriend, he got assigned to a desk for 6 months." Jones told them

"Well I'm sure that won't happen to any of you." Neal tells them reassuringly

"any of us." Diana corrects him

"you don't mean?" Neal asks surprised

Peter looks at the memo. "You're included on the list Neal. Your first session is 4pm on Wednesday."

Neal is taken aback for a second but he quickly recovers and grins. After he is always up for new experiences and a con is a con.

"This should be fun."

Doctor Zimmerman sighs as he flicks through the file for his first patient of the day. Peter Burke, Case Agent for the White Collar Department of the FBI. The Doctor remembers Peter from his a routine evaluation a few years ago following a shooting incident. He was a solid type of man, good family history and a good home life. There were no red flags then. There is a knock on the door and Peter Burke comes in and takes a seat on the chair across the desk opposite the doctor.

The Doctor had tried comfy chairs and a more informal setting, but he found FBI agents were actually more comfortable with the desk and chairs. The Doctor had a theory that it was the familiarity of the interrogation room coming into their heads. They were just more comfortable with a more formal setting, they knew where they were.

"So Peter how are you?" Dr Zimmerman asks

"Fine. Fine." Peter tells him, uncomfortable. He shifts in his seat trying to get comfortable, which is difficult the Doctor recognises since Peter is definitely not comfortable being here.

"How's your wife – Elizabeth isn't it?" The Doctor asks

Peter automatically relaxes at the thought of El as the Doctor hoped.

"She's good thank you." Peter smiles.

"I'm glad to hear it. So, are you working on any interesting cases at the moment?" Having got Peter to relax a little, The Doctor tries to get the session started.

Peter becomes more enthusiastic at the mention of work and begins regaling the Doctor with the details of their latest case they were tracking a dentist who was blackmailing his patients, getting information from them by dosing them with sodium pentothal during treatments.

"It sounds like you and your team work well together." The Doctor comments when Peter has stopped talking.

"I couldn't do it without them. They are the best." Peter enthuses. It's clear he means it and the affection he has for them.

"So what's changed in the past two years" the Doctor asks, changing tacks.

"Is this about Neal Caffrey?" Peter asks

"You tell me. I reviewed your files Peter. You have an outstanding record. More than 15 years of exemplary service" the Doctor tells him

"Thank you" Peter tells him cautiously wondering where this is going

"I noticed however that in the last two years you have been suspended 3 times. A sudden change like that raises red flags for me." Dr Zimmerman explains

Peter can see where the Doctor is coming from, his life was certainly more stable before Neal Caffrey entered his life.

"Those suspensions had nothing to do with how I do my job. My closure rate has also increased in that time, last year it was over 94%" Peter wishes he didn't sound so defensive.

"Peter, I am not here to judge you, I just want to make sure these incidents are not a symptom that something is wrong. Let's go through each incident one by one." The Doctor tells Peter calmly

Peter sighs, this was going to be a very long hour.

The Doctor quickly typed up his notes from his session with Peter Burke. The problem was despite over 20 years of practice, he wasn't sure what to write.

He hated these sort of reviews. Being asked to issue these reports based on an hour with him. How was he supposed to build up trust with the patient under such circumstances. The agents viewed him with nothing but suspicion and in this case the Doctor wasn't sure they weren't right to be suspicious. He'd been asked specifically to assess Peter Burke's team. There were concerns that that Peter Burke had been compromised by his CI and that it was having a detrimental effect on the whole team. He had entered this profession to help people not to conduct a witch hunt.

His phone buzzed to let him know the Neal Caffrey was here. The Doctor locked away his notes from the last session before admitting him.

Despite the front he put on for the others and he would never admit it, but Neal felt slightly nervous as he entered the Doctor's office. Peter had been particularly sarcastic all afternoon after his session, a sure sign that he was stressed, though he wouldn't say anything about his session other than it went fine.

"Mr Caffrey?" Dr Zimmerman asked gesturing for Neal to take a seat.

Neal took his hat off as he sat down and gave the psychiatrist his most charming grin.

"Please call me Neal" he told him glancing round the office. The doctor didn't offer his first name back Neal noted.

"I'm Doctor Zimmerman. First, let me reassure you that everything you say to me is completely confidential."

Neil had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at this. The interviews might be confidential but the Doctors formal report and end recommendations were not.

"So tell me a little about yourself Neal." Dr Zimmerman asked Neal pleasantly.

"I'm sure it's all there in my file Doctor. What do you want to know" Neal replied equally pleasantly.

Since he didn't know Neal, he didn't know the best way to open up the conversation and Neal was an expert on being interrogated. He decided to adopt an open approach, see how far that got them.

"I want to know what's not in the file, how you feel about how your life has changed since you started working for the FBI. Let's start with something simple. How do you think your life has changed since you started working for the FBI?" the Doctor asked

"It's not that different to my life before prison to be honest" Neal told the Doctor honestly.

"Really?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Sure. I'm still carrying out the same cons, it's just now I'm doing them with the blessing of the US government" Neal told him jokingly.

"and you don't have the threat of prison hanging over you for committing them" The Doctor nodded his understanding

"I wouldn't say that. My release is determined on working for the FBI, I fail I go back to prison." Neal pointed out.

"Does that worry you? To have the prison sentence hanging over you, that must be stressful" the Doctor responded

"I prefer to think of it as motivation." Neal shrugged.

"That's a positive way of looking at it"

"always look on the bright side" Neal said jokingly

"though your view of your job with the FBI as pulling cons might contradict that" The doctor pointed out.

"only if you see being a conman as a negative thing" Neal disagreed.

"It's not wrong to trick people, take their money?" the Doctor queried making sure he kept his tone non-judgmental.

"I never stole from someone who couldn't afford it. I never hurt anyone" Neal countered.

"That's makes it okay?" The Doctor queried

"In an ideal world everyone would work hard for what they get, work their way up, make an honest living right?" Neal offered

"The American dream" the doctor confirmed

"But that assumes we all start in the same place, ignores the reality that some people have a big head start." Neal pointed out

"Life isn't fair." the Doctor confirmed again.

Neal had a sense of the man now. He was good, not saying too much, encouraging Neal to do the talking, agreeing with him to make Neal think he was on his side. He relaxed a little, sitting back in his chair and crossing his legs.

"Something every child learns". The doctor added. Neal groaned

"My childhood. Really?" Neal asked incredulously

The Doctor smiled "Too obvious?" he asked

"Just a little." Neal confirmed

"Okay, how about this there must be safer ways for someone with your intelligence to make a living" the Doctor asked curiously. Neal knew that although his file was pretty thick there was nothing in there about his life prior to New York. He considered seeing how far he could lead the Doctor down the wrong path, but an image of Peter's disapproving face popped into his head. He sighed reluctantly and decided he had better behave, mostly anyway.

"Let's cut to the chase. Your work for the FBI has been impressive, if a bit unorthodox" the Doctor gestured to the files.

"Thank you." Neal acknowledged.

"What concerns me is the danger you face on these cases. You weren't trained for it like the Agents. While I appreciate you are more than qualified to advise on the cases, I have to question whether you are really the right person to be sent into the field all the time." The Doctor said gently

"Really?" Neal said calmly. Though he felt anything but calm. The thought of being assigned pure desk work or worse being trapped in the van on all future cases didn't bear thinking about.

"I don't think you understand what it is I do Doctor" he smiled as charmingly as he could

"Peter and the rest of his team, they are very good at what they do, but they don't have the skills to infiltrate groups, make them believe I am one of them, knowing that situations change in the blink of an eye and being able to adapt." Neal was aware he sounded like he was bragging

"You enjoy it" The Doctor

"Sure" Neal hesitated

"and?" the Doctor prompted

"You said I haven't had the training they had but you're wrong. I've been training all my life. It's who I am."

There was a pause while the Doctor wrote something down. The day Neal couldn't read something written upside down was the day he hung up his hat.

_Concerns about danger attention seeking behaviour result of neglected childhood?_

Whoops, this wasn't quite as well as Neal had thought. His phone buzzed, it was Peter. He decided a little break to retreat and regroup might be in order.

"I'm sorry I need to take this" Neal excused himself. Peter had a new case and needed Neal to come take a look at a painting found at the scene of a murder that was suspected to be a forgery.

"Peter I'm kind of right in the middle of my session now. I don't think the good Doctor would appreciate it if I walked out half way through" he smiled at the Doctor.

"If it's important it's alright" the Doctor told him "We can continue this tomorrow".

"Great." Neal told him insincerely.


	2. Chapter 2

Diana Berigan sat with her arms crossed glaring at the Doctor. She had answered any questions with curt answers. It was her usual response to therapy according to her file so the Doctor wasn't particularly concerned. She had good reason to be suspicious given her families attempts to cure her of gay as a young woman.

"Do you have people you can talk to?" the Doctor asked trying to draw her out a little

"Of course, I talk to my team all the time" Diana answered.

"About your personal life" the Doctor asked

"Of course not" Diana answered automatically without thinking and then clearly regretted the answer.

"What about friends outside the FBI? People you can talk to about personal problems?" the Doctor pressed.

"I don't really socialise outside the FBI since I moved back to New York. I used to talk to my girlfriend Christy, but we split up" Diana admitted.

"That must have been difficult" the Doctor sympathised. "Everyone needs someone to talk to. Why did you split up?"

"She proposed and it made me realise we weren't connecting anymore, we were just going through the motions and I don't want to sleep walk into marriage. If I get married I want it to be for love" Diana smiled ironically

"A romantic" the Doctor sympathised trying to keep the conversation going.

"I know what you are saying about having someone to talk to and I don't want you to think I am bottling everything up until I become some kind of Unabomber. I did talk to someone about me and Christy, a work colleague. He helped me work through my thoughts, decide what to do."

"An agent?" the Doctor was surprised.

"No, a CI who consults for our department, Neal Caffrey." Diana told the Doctor.

Agent Clinton Jones was the opposite of Agent Berigan. Where Agent Berigan was surly and uncommunicative, Agent Jones wanted to do all he could to be helpful. The Doctor suspected from his file that Agent Clinton Jones was one to watch for the future. He had an outstanding record and nothing but praise from colleagues.

"You enjoy working for the White Collar department?" the Doctor asked

"Oh yes, I requested to be part of Peter's team when I heard it was being formed. We work hard and play hard." Clinton enthused

"so you get on well with your colleagues, you socialise with them outside of work?" the Doctor followed up

"Sure, the usual you know, sometimes we go for drinks and dinner after work, you know." Clinton shrugged

"does the whole team go?" the Doctor asked curious

"It varies you know, but it's mostly us single guys, the married folk like Peter, they tend to go straight home. " Clinton seemed to worry he had said something wrong.

"but I did go to a football game with Peter once" Clinton quickly added.

"What about personal relationships? You said you were single, are you dating?" the Doctor asked. Clinton scowled for the first time the Doctor saw the tougher side of the agent, the side that was able to face down gunmen.

"I've decided to focus on work at the moment. If I meet the right person, great but I work long hours, there isn't a lot of time for dating." Clinton told him

"you don't think it's worth making the time?" The Doctor asked

"Not right now." Clinton told him firmly, making it clear he wasn't going to say any more on the issue.


	3. Chapter 3

**White Collar – Crazy – Part 3**

Dr Zimmerman reviews Neal Caffrey's file before the appointment, it's been two weeks since their last appointment as apparently the case Agent Burke's team was called to deal with meant Neal had to go deep undercover and he wasn't able to come to the FBI's offices until it was over yesterday when they finally got enough evidence to close the case and make the arrests. The Doctor hears the outer door to the offices open and the murmur of voices, his receptionist was told to send Neal straight in so the Doctor isn't surprised when there is a polite knock on his door a few minutes later and the door opens. He is surprised however, and somewhat dismayed to see the change in Neal from only two weeks ago.

Neal collapses rather than sits in the chair when the Doctor gestures towards it. He is pale and considerably thinner than he was with dark shadows under his eyes. He gives the Doctor a smile but it's a pale imitation of the charming Neal Caffrey smile he had been treated to on their first meeting.

"How have you been Neal?" the Doctor asks

Neal doesn't answer for a moment. He knows that his appearance gives him away. His clothing is meticulous as always, a crisp suit and tie and he is well groomed but he can't hide how exhausted he is. Neal's smile widens

"I'm fine, thank you. How are you?" Neal replies, his answer defiant and underneath maybe a touch angry. The Doctor wonders who the anger is directed at, himself for not being able to hide the truth or the FBI and the Doctor for putting him in this situation.

The Doctor sees suddenly how frustrating it must be for someone like Neal, who wants to keep everything as private as possible, who has spent his life building up different aliases, different masks, to be betrayed by his own body. Neal knows the Doctor sees through him and he knows the Doctor knows he knows.

"I understand you've just closed a tough case. You haven't been getting much sleep I imagine" the Doctor offers, though there was nothing out of the ordinary about the case according to his report or at least not for a Burke and Caffrey case. Neal grabs onto the offered olive branch and nods almost gratefully.

"Nothing some sleep won't fix" Neal tells him, but there is almost a questioning tone to it and the Doctor doesn't like the way Neal's hands grip the edge of the chair as if he is hanging on, the way his eyes seems to be focused somewhere else. He knows from their first meeting that Neal protects himself instinctively with his masks, he's been doing it so long it's instinctive. The Doctor would have been pleased if the reason for the slip was because Neal was starting to trust him, it would have been a breakthrough, but there is no way someone as guarded as Neal would open up after only half a session.

The doctor is seriously worried. Everyone wears masks to some extent. He seems it all the time, especially with FBI agents who specialise in the stoic, tough guys personas. Everyone acts differently in different situations, with different groups of people. There's nothing problematic about that psychologically, it can give us a way to cope in new or difficult situations. The problems arise when you can never put down the mask, when there is no one for you to relax and be yourself with, share your real feelings with, which is what he fears has happened to Neal.

There is almost nothing in Neal's file about his childhood, but you don't become a world class forger and conman in your late teens if you come from a stable and loving background. There are notes in the files, frustrating in their brevity about the recent deaths of Neal's long term girlfriend, Kate Moreau only a year before and then something about the death of a family friend only a few months previous. The notes are frustratingly incomplete.

One thing is clear to the Doctor, as much as Neal is going to hate him for it, and it surprises the Doctor how much he already cares what this young man things of him, there is no way he is going to sign off on Neal's return to undercover work.

"Neal, I can see that you are exhausted so I'm not going to keep you today." The Doctor tells him. The light of relief comes into Neal's eyes.

"However" the Doctor continues "I will need you to come and see me again, is next week okay?" he asks. Neal nods gratefully.

"Until then I am afraid I will have to sign you off active service" the Doctor tells him gently.

"No! Why? I'm fine" Neal shouts angrily. The loss of temper evidence of how worn down he is, this young man who is normally so controlled and measured in everything he does. He seems to realise it and takes a deep breath calming himself.

"That's really not necessary" he tells the Doctor.

"It's just for a week" the Doctor reassures him "until our next session. If I'm satisfied after our next session then I've put you back in" he tells Neal who looks at him warily

"and what will it take for you to be satisfied?" Neal asks

"That I think you are capable of doing your job safely." The Doctor tells him bluntly. Neal nods though the Doctor gets the impression that Neal is concentrating on the convincing him part and not the actually being well enough to do his job part. Hopefully he can get Neal to the point where they are the same thing.

Neal leaves, he doesn't quite slam the door behind him, he hasn't lost that much control. Doctor Zimmerman writes up his notes. He also makes a call to the White Collar division and schedules another meeting with Agent Burke, Neal's handler. If he is going to help Neal, he is going to need some help.


	4. Chapter 4

**White Collar – Crazy – Part 4**

Peter is not happy when he receives Doctor Zimmerman's call and arranges to go and see him the following day. His first thought is to wonder what Neal is up to. It hasn't been that long since Pratt's death and Peter's arrest on top of his unscheduled trip to Port Verde they can't afford to have Neal dropping the ball. Peter already suspects Neal went outside the law on this last case, though he doesn't have any hard evidence. He doesn't believe for a second that Neal hasn't deliberately misled the Doctor. The question is why? As soon as he see Neal arrive he calls him into his office

"So Doctor Zimmerman called" Peter tells Neal watching for his response.

"What did he say?" Neal asks warily. Neal does look tired Peter notices. He hasn't looked this exhausted since the period after Kate's death. Peter find's his annoyance fading to be replaced by worry.

"He said no more street work until he is happy you are up to it. He also wants to see me tomorrow. What's going on Neal?" he asks more gently.

"What do you think is going on?" Neal asks guardedly.

It has been like this between them since Neal's father left Peter framed for murder and Neal pulled a scam to get Peter off, faking evidence of James' guilt, rather than relying on the system to prove Peter's innocence. While it worked they had fallen out over Neal's methods. Peter still believed in the system, he believed the truth would have come out in the end but now they would never know. Neal believed Peter would be locked in prison right now if he hadn't acted and Peter felt Neal took this as a carte blanche to go outside the system when he felt it was necessary.

They had fake argued in order to provide a distraction before but this time they were both angry, they said hurtful things. Neal had called Peter an idiot, believing in a system that would have had him rotting in prison for 20 years if not for Neal. He had also accused Peter of putting the system before people. Peter in return had threatened to send Neal back to Prison, that he was more trouble than he was worth and other worse, he had said Neal was more like his father than he realised. He saw the hurt in Neal's eyes and regretted the words almost as soon as he said them. Things had been strained between them since then. It felt like Neal had made some secret decision, that they were back to where they were four years ago when Neal first become Peter's CI. The trust between them had been eroded. Peter found his irritation and frustration rising again thinking about it.

"I think you are misleading this Doctor and I want to know why" Peter tells him bluntly.

"Maybe I was just having a bad day, everyone has them" Neal tells him smirking. "What's the problem Peter, it's only a week and we don't have any cases requiring fieldwork going on now we've closed the case." Peter tells him dismissively.

Peter takes a deep breath trying not to let Neal get to him.

"Fine. Do you think you will be having a bad day next week?" Peter asks trying to stay calm.

"Hopefully" Neal tells him smirking again in a way which pushes Peter's buttons and he speaks before he thinks.

"Because if you aren't up to the job then maybe I need a new CI." He tells Neal

Neal scowls. "It's all about how clever and useful I am right?" he asks somewhat bleakly "I can solve more cases sat at that desk for a week than most of your agents can solve in a month" he says defiantly. Peter knows there is some element of truth to this though he doesn't feel like admitting it now.

"then prove it" Peter says somewhat nastily, repeating something Neal said to him once.

Peter doesn't know what to do as he parks up and enters the Doctors office. He wants to help Neal and the idea of sending him back to prison appalls him, but this constant battle between them is wearing him down. All that is holding them together is the common interest in solving the cases, if Neal is losing interest in that now, this might be the end of their relationship. He can't see Neal staying out of trouble if all he is doing is FBI paperwork for the next 3 years.

He has to wait a few minutes for the Doctor to be free and flicks through a newspaper on the table. There is an article about the clean up still going on from the corruption scandal broken by Peter and Neal following the discovering of the evidence box. There will be independent hearings and court cases going on for years but they are working on cleaning house, Peter thinks with satisfaction. That is what makes working with Neal worthwhile he thinks. They make a difference.

The Doctor calls Peter in and asks him to take a seat.

"Hello Peter, I asked you to come here today in your capacity as Neal's handler, rather than as a patient, but of course anything you say to me is confidential. As the FBI psychologist, I am under a duty to discuss concerns I have arising for Neal's safety, arising from his working for you. He has given me consent to discuss these concerns with you in order that we can get this resolved as soon as possible" The Doctor explains.

"What concerns?" Peter asks, wondering what Neal has told the Doctor and surprised that Neal gave permission for them to discuss Neal behind his back.

"Concerns about his mental and his physical well being." The Doctor told Peter.

"Let's start with the most recent case." The Doctor instructed. "Can you tell me about the most recent case Neal was working on before he came to see me." The Doctor asked

Peter thought back to the previous week.

"Neal was undercover to force identification documents for a gang. They needed security IDs to carry out a robbery of a private security firm and new identity documents for their escape afterwards. We sent Neal in under one of his previous forging aliases, he was undercover for about a week and a half prior to the robbery staking out the security firm with the gang, gaining their trust, creating the ID documents and helping plan the robbery. When they went to execute the robbery we arrested them." Peter summarised.

"I believe shots were fired" the Doctor queried looking at his papers.

"We were forced to shoot one of the gang members who refused to surrender. He was taken to hospital and looks to be making a recovery" Peter confirmed.

"You were forced to shoot him?" The Doctor queried. Peter nodded. He wasn't proud of it but he wasn't ashamed either. He did what was necessary in the circumstances. Any doubts he had immediately afterwards were erased by Diana and Jones assurances that he did the right thing and then Elizabeth's consolation later that evening. However he still remembered the look on Neal's face as he pressed down on the wounded man, trying to stop him bleeding out, almost as pale as the gunshot victim. Was it possible Neal really had been badly traumatized by the shooting, that maybe he was realising that life in the FBI wasn't the life he wanted?

The Doctor made a note and moved on.

"You have a team of trained FBI agents, I noticed in reviewing the files that Neal seems to be the lead undercover agent on most of your cases." The Doctor begins. Peter raises a hand to stop him.

"Doctor, let me stop you there. If you think Neal hasn't got the training, then you haven't read his file. Neal has been living and breathing undercover life since he was 18, maybe even before that. He is the best expert I have." Peter tells the Doctor firmly.

"The man I saw in my office, was exhausted and appeared to be suffering from post traumatic shock" the Doctor tells Peter bluntly. "I've been a psychiatrist for the FBI for a very long time Peter, I know when people are lying to me, even con men like Neal. I am telling you that he is at the end of his tether and if you keep sending him out into the field you are going to get him and possibly other people killed." The Doctor tells Peter bluntly.

Peter is shocked by the Doctors assessment. He had noticed Neal looked pretty tired lately, but they all were, Peter didn't ask anything of Neal that he didn't ask of himself. Was it possible that the face Neal showed him was the front and the Doctor had seen through the facade? There was a time after Kate's death that Peter thought he had seen a Neal cracking under the pressure but he had recovered. He felt uncertain suddenly that Neal was faking it, it was not a comfortable feeling for someone who relied on his instincts, his gut, like Peter.

"Neal may feel he has to do these things for you, to put himself in danger and do what you tell him as part of his deal with you." The Doctor told Peter which annoyed him.

"Neal hardly ever does what I say" Peter snorts dismissively.

"When he disobeys you, it's to close the case?" The Doctor asks, knowing the answer, Peter dips his head that this is mostly true.

"I am not saying you are taking advantage of him or abusing him" The Doctor told Peter, even though Peter felt that was exactly what he was implying.

"I just want to remind you that Neal is in a vulnerable situation". He continued.

Peter is vaguely insulted at the accusations but he does know there is an element of truth, that there have been a number of cases where Neal had been put in life threatening situations when working for Peter. Neal was impulsive and took dangerous chances but generally avoided violent situations before he met started working for the FBI. Peter wonders how much more dangerous Neal's life has become because of Peter, it's not a comfortable thought.

"I also want you to think about the future." The Doctor was saying Peter realised.

"It might be a good idea for Neal to start phasing back the fieldwork now, in preparation for his eventual release. He will need some time to work out what he is going to do with the rest of his life. Spending his days undercover, effectively living the life of a con man, if on behalf of the FBI is not going to help him with that." The Doctor continued.

Neal had told Peter more than once that this was where he wanted to be. That the time he was spending with Peter at the FBI was the best in his life. If that was the case, Neal didn't need time to work out what he was going to do with his future.

"You're right Doctor" he told Zimmerman, surprising the Doctor.

"I need to talk to Neal. See what he wants to do."


	5. Chapter 5

_This chapter contains spoilers for Season 4- be warned. _

**White Collar – Crazy – Part 5**

Peter came downstairs wearing his t-shirt and sweatpants, he had invited Neal for dinner, he should be arriving any minute. Elizabeth was sat at the table finishing up some work. Peter checked on the roast and dug around in the kitchen and dug out a bottle of wine.

"Wine, huh? You trying to get on Neal's good side or to soften him up?" Elizabeth asked amused.

"More of a peace offering" Peter told her. Pulling plates and cutlery out of cupboard and drawers noisily. Elizabeth took the hint, saved the document she was working on and started packing up her laptop to clear the dinner table. Elizabeth knew things had been difficult all round since Peter's arrest. Consciously she didn't blame Neal for his father's actions, but it had crossed her mind that if not for Neal, James Bennett and Senator Pratt may never have crossed Peter's path. If it had occurred to her she knew it would have crossed Peter's mind too. They had promised never to keep secrets from one another but even so it wasn't possible to talk about some things. Elizabeth hadn't told Peter how awful it had been, having her husband facing a murder charge, knowing he was innocent, being hounded by the press, feeling totally helpless. In turn he hadn't said much about the time he was in custody. That experience had changed them both, how could it not. In some ways it had made Peter more focused, more like the man he had been before he met Neal. Perversely, being falsely accused of murder had made him more determined to make sure the system worked. However, it seems to her that some of him pleasure in the job, that he had found with Neal, had gone out of him.

"I hope you and Neal can work things out" Elizabeth told him honestly.

Peter smiled at her and leaned in across the table to give her a kiss as there was a knock at the door. Peter let Neal in, he'd brought a gift too,

"Beer? Thanks" Peter exclaimed exchanging an amused glance with Elizabeth, it looked like Peter wasn't the only one reaching out.

Elizabeth cleared away the dinner plates and tidied up in the kitchen, then took Satchmo for a walk, leaving Peter and Neal to talk. Elizabeth thinks they both look tired. This last case, on top of all the events of the past year, has taken its toll on both of them. They had both been unusually quiet during dinner. Neal had made an effort asking Elizabeth how work was, discussing a new exhibition coming to the MET that they were both interested in. Usually they were full of whatever case they were working on, trading gibes back and forth.

Peter brought out more wine for Neal and beer for himself. He wasn't the most open of people with his feelings and Neal had been pretending to be someone else since he was 3.

"Why did you get yourself suspended from fieldwork?" Peter asks him bluntly.

Neal scowled

"What makes you think I did it deliberately?" he asked Peter.

"Because you are the best conman, I know, maybe the best on the planet. If you didn't want Zimmerman to think you were unfit for fieldwork, he wouldn't have thought it" Peter told Neal bluntly.

"So you're saying I should have lied to Zimmerman" Neal asked curiously.

"Yes. No. Wait, are you telling me you were telling Zimmerman the truth in your meeting?" Peter asked confused.

"Do you remember when we were on that Panel at the FBI annual conference, you told them that even when you knew I was lying you had faith it was for a good reason?" Neal asked seriously

"I don't think that was quite what I said..." Peter contradicted

"well you need to have faith that when I am telling the truth it's for a good reason too" Neal interrupted firmly.

Peter's expression fluctuated from angry to confused to amused as he considered this

"That's… the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard" he told Neal honestly unable to keep a smile off his face. Peter and Neal both chuckled.

"okay, maybe not the best line I've ever come up with, but I had to do something Peter we were both heading to a dark place, we needed a little perspective." Neal explained. Peter nodded accepting Neal's reasoning even if he didn't really agree with it.

"You know, my meeting with Zimmerman got me thinking that it won't be that long before your anklet is off for real." Peter trailed off

"As long as nothing goes wrong and I don't exactly have a good track record in that area" Neal pointed out wryly.

"Well assuming you manage not to screw it up before then, have you thought about what you're going to do then?" Peter asked cautiously.

"I might have thought about it a bit." Neal admitted uncomfortably.

"This is where I want to be right now Peter. I don't have any doubts about that. Do you?" Neal asked putting the focus back on Peter.

It wasn't just he wasn't comfortable talking to Peter about this, he was also concerned that maybe this wasn't about what Neal wanted at all. Neal knew Peter would never casually send him back to prison, but maybe Peter was tired of all the trouble Neal seemed to cause in his life and once the anklet was off he saw an end in sight. If that was the case, Neal would be hurt but he would understand.

"What do you want?" Neal asked Peter, he was scared to hear the answer but he had spent enough of his life running. If there was one thing he had learnt from working with Peter it was to stop running and face his life.

Peter was silent for a moment, thinking about how to respond.

"Before your acquittal hearing you told me, with or without the anklet, you had found where you wanted to me, working on the 21st floor. I was looking forward to it." Peter admitted almost grudgingly. If that happened Peter would finally know without doubt if it had all been worthwhile, that Neal had changed, was no longer a criminal.

"You just don't want your case statistics to fall" he teased Peter and grinning.

"I don't want to have to waste time catching you again." Peter rebutted his harsh tone softened only by the affectionate smile he is unable to keep off his face.

Elizabeth can sense the change in the air straight away when she comes back from walking Sachmo. The two of them are arguing over Peter's cooking, Neal is threatening to commandeer their kitchen to give Peter cooking lessons, while Peter threatens to arrest him if he breaks into their house again. She is relieved, whether they would admit it or not they need each other.


	6. Chapter 6

**White Collar – Crazy - Part 6**

Neal's heart is lighter than it's been for a while, when he leaves the Burkes. He goes home and picks up his paintbrushes for the first time in weeks. He hadn't been able to paint while he was undercover and it was like having his hands tied the whole time. Mozzie comes over to catch up and hear the details of the case, they crack open a bottle of wine, by the time he leaves its late and Neal falls into bed and sleeps solidly until morning, glad to be back in his own bed.

The rest of the week before his appointment with Doctor Zimmerman pass by pleasantly enough, while the case files are boring, surprising everyone how fast he can solve them is always amusing and he is out of the office by 6pm each evening, going for drinks after work with Jones and Diana, dinner with Peter and lengthy conversations with Mozzie on his terrace with a bottle of wine in the evening talking about cases they pulled and working out future scams they could pull, purely for theoretical purposes of course. By the time his appointment rolls around Neal is ready.

Doctor Zimmerman is waiting for Neal when he arrives promptly at 11am. The difference in the young man is startling, he is fresh-faced and glowing. Gone are the dark shadows and the suit he is wearing is perfectly ironed. Neal smiles warmly at the Doctor taking off his hat and taking a seat.

"Good morning Doctor" Neal greets him cheerfully.

"You are looking well today Neal" the Doctor admits

"Sorry about the other day, I was pretty tired, I hadn't slept or eaten properly for about 3 days. That case had me run pretty ragged. Thanks for the week's rest I really needed it and you know Peter's a real slave driver" Neal grinned cheekily as if revealing a trick.

The Doctor was on the back foot. Did he believe that there had been such a rapid change around in just a week. That someone he strongly suspected was on the edge of an emotional breakdown ? Was this the act or did he believe Neal was in fact just tired from a few nights lost sleep and a single case or was the whole thing an act to get a week off? He started to appreciate that the young man in front of him really was a world class con man.

The question was what should the Doctor do about it?

"I met with your handler Peter Burke a few days ago." The Doctor told Neal. Deciding to confront Neal.

"He mentioned he had been to see you" Neal admitted.

"If he is putting any pressure on you to say you are fine, you can tell me" the Doctor told Neal

"Peter's not that type of person. He 's the most honest person I know" Neal told him that grin still on his face.

"I don't know what you said to him, but he actually asked me if I wanted to carry on with the FBI after my release" Neal told the Doctor. The Doctor was aware Neal was steering the conversation but since this was a healthy discussion to have he didn't try and change the topic back. Perhaps Neal would reveal his true feelings if they kept talking.

"Did you have an answer for him?" The Doctor asked.

"When I was a kid all I wanted was to be a policeman. Then I grew up and that became impossible. If a few years ago when I was sat in prison you had told me I would be able to achieve that dream, by working for the FBI, I would never have believed it. Why would I want to give that up?"

"So working for Peter is a dream come true?" the Doctor asked.

"A dream with a tracking anklet" Neal confirmed grinning.

The Doctor watched through the window as Neal left the office jauntily, flipping his hat onto his head with an impressive twirl and then holding the door open and tripping the hat's brim to an attractive young woman entering the other way. He'd been conned by Neal Caffrey alright. He just wasn't sure which time.

He went back to his stack of files and pulled out the ones relating to Peter Burke and Neal Caffrey and placed them side by side.

The Doctor approved Peter's return to the field but felt uneasy about it. There was no concrete reason to refuse permission. He didn't doubt Peter's desire to protect his team and try and minimise the risks to them or his desire to do a good job and make sure the system worked. What worried him was that Peter was as much a thrill seeker as Neal Caffrey but without the self awareness to realise it. At some point Peter had compromised on his career in order to make his wife happy, which on the surface gave the impression of a happy work/life balance but it meant Peter had less opportunity to be totally challenged to fulfil an adrenaline rush. The Doctor suspected Peter was drawn to Neal the same way a moth was drawn to a flame and one day that need might cause Peter to get burned.

The Doctor sighed and pulled out Neal Caffrey's file and wrote up his recommendation to return Neal to fieldwork. Professionally he would be fascinated to see which way Neal Caffery went when he finally got that anklet off and gained his freedom . Despite what he was writing in the report, he wasn't sure it was a decision Neal had really made. On a personal level the Doctor was torn, on one hand he hoped the young man would find enough satisfaction in a law abiding life to stay on the right track and settle down find the stability he was lacking. On the other hand the thought of a completely law abiding Neal Caffrey seemed almost a shame. The Doctor opened the file, looking down puzzled at a completed report on Caffrey containing an accurate if somewhat redacted report of everything they discussed and of course approving Neal to go back to fieldwork. There was a yellow sticky on it which read "Thank you for your help Doctor, in return I thought I would at least save you a little paperwork".. A smile broke over the Doctor's face as he looked at a signature so perfect the Doctor wasn't able to tell it from his own. Perhaps he didn't need to worry after all, Neal Caffrey would always live outside of society's rules but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.


End file.
